Have Your Head Examined

There have been many times during my life when I have felt that I have never been asked to endure anything too hard. However, I also recognize that there have been times in my life where it feels like there is no reprieve from the hardships and trials that we are asked to endure. On Wednesday night Benjamin was jumping on the couch (something he knows he is not supposed to do) and hit the back of his head on the window sill. I heard the thud and knew it was pretty hard. I inwardly rolled my eyes and thought, "This is what happens when you don't listen to mom." As he wandered over to me for comfort, which I was prepared to give following a stern rebuke, there was suddenly blood everywhere. It dripped on the couch, across the kitchen, all down the back of his neck and face, and all over his shirt. I was suddenly in a panic. His scalp had split open and he was leaving evidence everywhere. Fortunately Joe had just gotten home and was able to come to my aid. After about 10 mi...

SSTU: Surgical Specialty and Transplant Unit. It was here on the 5th floor of the University of Utah hospital that I was relocated and settled. They set us up in a room in the far corner of the surgical floor that was pretty isolated from everything else; a fact I was very thankful for. The room was small and had a tiny window, but by the end of our stay it'd been decorated with multiple bouquets of flowers, get well cards, and pictures from the kids. The staff of the SSTU agreed that Olivia could stay with us on the floor as long as I was not the primary care taker. I could not be left alone with her. It was now Tuesday evening and I hadn't seen my newborn in over 24 hours. Joe picked Olivia up at Lone Peak around 5:00 pm, ran home to grab clothes and baby supplies, took her to his parents house to see the kids, and then finally I was able to hold her again around 8:00. One of the first things I did was feed my baby a bottle. It had taken the nurses at Lone Peak about 7 hours ...

Have you ever woken up from a dream and wished you could go back to sleep? While I was asleep I was comfortable and pain-free. Waking up, on the other hand, was jarring and painful, the kind of pain that could not be ignored. I gradually gleaned a synopsis of my condition, though I'm sure it had to be explained to me many times. An artery connecting to my right ovary had ruptured causing extensive internal bleeding. During surgery number one they opened me up horizontally, hip to hip, and removed the ovary in an attempt to stop the bleeding. After another CT scan, they quickly realized that the problem had not been solved, which was when I was life-flighted to the University of Utah hospital. Here, they performed surgery number two and opened me up vertically, sternum to pelvis. They removed all my organs (hence my dad's wise-crack about 'letting it all hang out') filled my abdominal cavity with saline and began pulling out blood clots (one nurse said some were so big...

Vomit. That was the first sensation I remember. The acrid residue of bile filled my mouth, tasting vaguely of cheeseburger, but I felt confused--I didn't remember throwing up. The second sensation was pretty close to follow. Pain. Paralyzing pain burned through my abdomen. I remembered the words that the doctor told me right before the anesthesia took over, "You may wake up without your uterus." Well, I guess they took it, I told myself. I tried to take in my surroundings, but there wasn't much that could pull my brain away from the screaming pain inside me. I heard my dad's voice say, "Could we give her a blessing before she goes?" It was familiar. It was comforting. My dad was there. It seemed like he'd left the hospital only minutes before. Then, I heard my Joe's voice. I wanted to see his face and hold his hand. I opened my eyes, but everything was fuzzy and dark. Then, I felt my Joe's hands, not in my own, but on my head. His voice com...

After Olivia was born, and Joe and I had a little bit of sleep, we began discussing middle names. I was pretty set on Ruth. I love the story of Ruth in the Bible, and when I was an infant my dad mentioned Ruth in my baby blessing. She's a woman that I really admire. However, Joe mentioned that he'd been reading in Isaiah and the word "joy" had jumped out at him. "What do you think about Olivia Joy?" he asked. "Hmm," I said, "I'll need a little bit to think about it." And we left it at that. My parents came to visit us at the hospital around 11:00 a.m. as I was nursing Olivia for the third time. She was concealed beneath my nursing cover, so they patiently waited to see grand-baby number 9. When Olivia had finished and I handed her to my mom, my heart felt so full seeing the look of pure love in my mother's eyes. There was something incredible about seeing the woman who taught me pure love, love my baby. A few moments later, I ...

I think one of the most nerve-wracking parts about giving birth is knowing when you are in labor; ironically, the spontaneity of it all keeps things interesting and fun. The one thing I refuse to do is go to the hospital thinking I'm in labor, and then get sent home. (That happened with our son and I swore I'd never do it again. Talk about torture! Not to mention that all patience leaves when that happens.) With each child, I think my body has started preparing for labor earlier and earlier. Contractions (albeit mostly Braxton Hicks) start days, and even weeks before the actual time arrives. This pregnancy was no different. At about 36 weeks I went in for an appointment and my Group B Strep test, and I was dilated to 4 cm. I knew, however, that this didn't mean much. My body would hang on to this baby until the end. Benjamin was my earliest baby and he came only 6 days before his due date. I told myself that I wasn't in any rush; this baby could stay in there as long as...