Skip to main content

Earth Has No Sorrow that Heaven Can't Heal

There have been many times during my life when I have felt that I have never been asked to endure anything too hard. However, I also recognize that there have been times in my life where it feels like there is no reprieve from the hardships and trials that we are asked to endure.
On Wednesday night Benjamin was jumping on the couch (something he knows he is not supposed to do) and hit the back of his head on the window sill. I heard the thud and knew it was pretty hard. I inwardly rolled my eyes and thought, "This is what happens when you don't listen to mom." As he wandered over to me for comfort, which I was prepared to give following a stern rebuke, there was suddenly blood everywhere. It dripped on the couch, across the kitchen, all down the back of his neck and face, and all over his shirt. I was suddenly in a panic. His scalp had split open and he was leaving evidence everywhere. Fortunately Joe had just gotten home and was able to come to my aid. After about 10 minutes of cleaning him up, washing him off, and calming him down I settled him down with paper towels, an ice pack, and a movie and turned to clean up all the other instances of blood found around the house.
I pulled out the bleach to clean off the couch, put a cup of the bleach in a clear container and ran to the other room to grab something else. As I walked back into the kitchen, Alaina was standing there with the container in hand and her cheeks full of the liquid. As I approached her and grabbed the container, she quickly swallowed the bleach and instantly grabbed her tongue in her mouth and screamed. Sixty seconds later I was on the phone with poison control checking to make sure we shouldn't induce vomiting or rush her to the emergency room. Then the Olivia who was crawling around on the floor beneath the kitchen table, found some stray cherry pits and started choking. Joe quickly scooped her up, hooked his finger down her throat and pulled it out, so it was crisis averted for one child, at least!
Poison control confirmed that Alaina would probably throw up, but that she should be fine. After eating a healthy dinner of corn dogs and peas (it was just that kind of night) we put her to bed assured that all would be well. Not ten minutes later, I heard her calling my name and as I went in to check on her, I was met with spewed remnants of corn dogs and peas all over her bedding. (So much for poison control telling us that the danger of vomiting passes after the first hour!) So after cleaning up her and her bedding, cleaning Benjamin's head a couple more times, and making sure no one else was going through any life threatening crises, we finally got all the kids in bed.
Reflecting on the madness of the night, Joe and I felt extremely grateful that none of these instances required a trip to the ER or InstaCare. Nothing was permanent. Yet, any one of those instances could have easily had different outcomes had the circumstances just varied slightly. We felt blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord. Though it was crazy, we were able to handle it, and all of the kids are still alive.
Not an hour after the kids were in bed, we received the most devastating blow of all. Joe's dad emailed us all telling us that Matthew McCarter, his son-in-law, and Joe's brother-in-law had taken his own life. We were stunned. There are not adequate words to describe the sorrow we feel about his passing. This is not a hurt that will go away, pain you can ignore, and a reality to be dealt with later. My heart aches for Miriam and her four beautiful children. How we've missed having them in our lives! How I wish we could support her through this trial! As we've asked the question, "What can I do Lord?" we've received a multitude of miracles and tender mercies. I pray that it will all work out for good.
Miriam, Matthew, Gabe, Hyrum, Johnny, and Liberty, we love you all so much. We want you in our lives. You are precious to us. We have petitioned heaven on your behalf these last four years, and with the passing of Matthew will continue to beg heaven to rain down tender mercies upon you. We put your names in the temple every time we attend, and will continue to do so. We have sorrowed and grieved for the loss of you in our lives, and desire to mourn with you as you grieve through this impossible hardship. We pray that the Savior will fill your lives with peace. Matthew, I know that eventually this hurt will be healed and that because the Savior, Jesus Christ, overcame death, one day you will too. We love you.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Part 5: SSTU

SSTU: Surgical Specialty and Transplant Unit. It was here on the 5th floor of the University of Utah hospital that I was relocated and settled. They set us up in a room in the far corner of the surgical floor that was pretty isolated from everything else; a fact I was very thankful for. The room was small and had a tiny window, but by the end of our stay it'd been decorated with multiple bouquets of flowers, get well cards, and pictures from the kids. The staff of the SSTU agreed that Olivia could stay with us on the floor as long as I was not the primary care taker. I could not be left alone with her. It was now Tuesday evening and I hadn't seen my newborn in over 24 hours. Joe picked Olivia up at Lone Peak around 5:00 pm, ran home to grab clothes and baby supplies, took her to his parents house to see the kids, and then finally I was able to hold her again around 8:00. One of the first things I did was feed my baby a bottle. It had taken the nurses at Lone Peak about 7 hours ...

Remember, This Is Your Gift

This is from a letter I wrote to my brother this fall. This is to help me remember. "Oh, remember these words, and keep my commandments. Remember, this is your gift." -D&C 8:5 "It was a pretty rough summer for me. I pretty much hit rock bottom. Having babies hasn't been too hard for me, but with Alaina, things were a bit different. She is an incredible baby. She is so happy and spunky. You will absolutely love her! Things went really smoothly with her delivery and bringing her home was all good. The kids adore her. The problem was more with me. I got postpartum depression pretty bad. Hormones can be very unforgiving. Basically, I felt worthless. I felt like my kids deserved so much better than me; that I would never be a good enough mom. I was angry all the time, I was crying all the time, and I felt like I was going crazy, and this was going on for months. It got to the point one day where the three kids were fighting and crying, Alaina was crying, and I almo...