My dad is an incredible man. Although he swears that he wasn't always this way, he is incredibly good. He is a hard worker, a planner, a competitor, and a goofball. He loves and respects my mother. He finds joy and fulfillment in his children. He loves adventures, and I don't think I've ever seen him be afraid of anything. And yet, through a simple experience I realized there is still so much I don't know about him.
After having my fourth baby I had a brief period of postpartum depression. My dad has always been a great listener. As my dad and I were driving home from a trail race we'd run together, I was describing a lot of my feelings during the depression. He quietly listened and then after a moment or two he said, "Did you know that I went through a period of depression?" It was as if someone had thumped me on the head. I had no clue. He said he'd never forget how depression had made him feel. He felt convinced that he couldn't do anything right. At church one day, he held the door open for a woman who gave a very sincere compliment for his kindness. He was so overcome by her words that he had to escape to the bathroom to recover. He talked about the circumstances surrounding the depression, and how my mom had picked up on some crucial signals that led to him getting the help that he needed. The timing of the help he received allowed him to make a pretty quick recovery.
There were three simple things that I took away from this experience with him:
1. Never take for granted what a few simple heartfelt words can do for another person. You can never know what someone else is going through. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and don't hesitate to offer some words of kindness.
2. I don't really know much about my parents personal trials and hardships. I think I have a general sense of some things that they chose to share with us, but there is so much that I will probably never know. It doesn't make me resentful, it makes me more grateful to them. My parents are ordinary people with both common and uncommon trials. Yet, as a kid, they never shared that baggage with their children. They let us grow up in innocence, navigating us through our own insignificant problems, and supporting each other through their own private struggles. I believe, that is as it should be.
3. As a kid, you look to your parents as the ones to be there for you, not the other way around. As an adult, I have a whole new level of relationships to build with my parents. Those relationships will continue to change and evolve as I am more conscious of their needs and not so absorbed in my own. As I gain greater insight into who they are, how they cope with struggle, and grow from their experiences, they will continue to help me navigate the daily challenges of my own life.
I am grateful my dad is a real man who doesn't passively take a back seat in his familial role, but doesn't aggressively dominate either. He is constantly undergoing self-evaluation, making changes, and working hard to become better. My dad isn't perfect (yet), but I love him. I am grateful to have the time get to know him and learn more from him every day.
After having my fourth baby I had a brief period of postpartum depression. My dad has always been a great listener. As my dad and I were driving home from a trail race we'd run together, I was describing a lot of my feelings during the depression. He quietly listened and then after a moment or two he said, "Did you know that I went through a period of depression?" It was as if someone had thumped me on the head. I had no clue. He said he'd never forget how depression had made him feel. He felt convinced that he couldn't do anything right. At church one day, he held the door open for a woman who gave a very sincere compliment for his kindness. He was so overcome by her words that he had to escape to the bathroom to recover. He talked about the circumstances surrounding the depression, and how my mom had picked up on some crucial signals that led to him getting the help that he needed. The timing of the help he received allowed him to make a pretty quick recovery.
There were three simple things that I took away from this experience with him:
1. Never take for granted what a few simple heartfelt words can do for another person. You can never know what someone else is going through. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and don't hesitate to offer some words of kindness.
2. I don't really know much about my parents personal trials and hardships. I think I have a general sense of some things that they chose to share with us, but there is so much that I will probably never know. It doesn't make me resentful, it makes me more grateful to them. My parents are ordinary people with both common and uncommon trials. Yet, as a kid, they never shared that baggage with their children. They let us grow up in innocence, navigating us through our own insignificant problems, and supporting each other through their own private struggles. I believe, that is as it should be.
3. As a kid, you look to your parents as the ones to be there for you, not the other way around. As an adult, I have a whole new level of relationships to build with my parents. Those relationships will continue to change and evolve as I am more conscious of their needs and not so absorbed in my own. As I gain greater insight into who they are, how they cope with struggle, and grow from their experiences, they will continue to help me navigate the daily challenges of my own life.
I am grateful my dad is a real man who doesn't passively take a back seat in his familial role, but doesn't aggressively dominate either. He is constantly undergoing self-evaluation, making changes, and working hard to become better. My dad isn't perfect (yet), but I love him. I am grateful to have the time get to know him and learn more from him every day.
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